gratitude

As I write this post I am currently cruising several thousand feet in the air somewhere over the Midwest.  I am so grateful that we were able to spend a few precious days in Colorado over Thanksgiving.  I held my breath about our actually being able to get out of DC when I had a bit of an odd experience on the phone with a Frontier Airlines representative on Tuesday evening letting me know that my flight or or may not have been/be cancelled for Wednesday due to weather.  Thankfully, we got out on time (today . . . well that was another story) and landed safely and soundly in the Mile-High city on Wednesday night. 

Colorado.  People this place is like water in a dry, thirsty land. 

Thursday was a pretty stellar Thanksgiving in my book.  Slept in.  Spent the day lounging.  Watched multiple episodes of some ridiculsly wonderful holiday cooking bake-off challenge on the Food Network with my m-i-l and b-i-l.  Had an amazing meal surrounded by some of the people I love the very best in this world.  Rest+reconnect+recharge=a very, very grateful Joy. 

My Black Friday was NOT spent in stores (I seriously could think of nothing more aversive right now) – we made a trip down to COS to connect w/ Dana.  Also did my heart and soul good.  That girl. . . amazing.  Friday pm = games w/ friends.  Saturday was find The Christmas Tree In The Forest Day (I’m loving this new tradition --- a bit of a divergence from when I was little and my brother and I CRIED and CRIED the year that my parents thought they’d do something extra special and get a real tree.  No.  Joy and Josh decided that too much sentimentality had been connected to the artificial tree that had become part of our family celebrations year after year.  Attachment issues anyone?).  A wonderful trip.  A great springboard into the final push of the semester for Philip and me.   

Today we arrived at the airport and had three delays.  It’s amazing how tiring sitting around doing nothing can be when you are in an airport waiting over six hours for a flight.  And how completely unmotivated you feel to do ANYTHING productive.  Seriously people, we resorted to doing a crossword from US Weekly.  Ridiculous.  Did I have a lot that I could/should have used that time for (ahem, licensure studying, writing a Christmas letter)?  Yes.  Very much yes.  Did anything happen until I got on the plane?  No.  Nothing except purchasing two very overpriced bottles of soda.  And reading that Kate Middleton is having twins (I’m behind, I know. . . still working on the work/life balance – right now it’s: Philip.work.exhaustion.).  But what matters is that I am on a plane (NOT in one of the HIDEOUSLY long United Customer Service lines that I walked by as we were meandering through multiple terminals to kill time today [yes, you know it’s bad when you take the train to the other terminals for something to do]. Blegh. The only thing worse than a cancelled flight on your way home is a cancelled flight when you’re trying to reach your destination.  I really felt for everyone in that line and was impressed that I didn’t see any incidents of emotional meltdowns/hysterics/rage.).  On my way home.  Next to my favorite person in the world.  Who will be coming home and staying home with me.  That is more than I could ask for right now.

I was struck many times during this trip how different this November felt from last.  Last year Philip had just managed to slip out of Afghanistan for the R&R that had been granted/denied multiple times.  We had flown from NJ to CO and had the opportunity to be together with both sets of our parents and Philip’s brother.  It was a wonderful trip – but a bit challenging in that transitioning from a combat zone to “home” knowing that you will be returning a few days later is a bit of a complex space to be in.  I’m grateful it could feel slightly more settled this year.  I’m also REALLY grateful that we are returning TOGETHER to our HOME and that the only departures in the course of the coming weeks will be holiday travel to spend more time w/ family.   I don’t take this for granted.  It is rare, precious, and sweet.

The last couple of weeks we launched into Operation Christmas Spirit at home.  While the tree is not up yet, the Pandora Christmas station has been filling the air, and we’ve entered Christmas-movie-marathon season.   Miracle on 34^th Street.  Christmas in Connecticut.   It Happened on 5^th Avenue.  Our December isn’t jam-packed with “stuff,” but I know that it is going to speed by like a freightrain.  I’m hoping and trying to be intentional about doing all that I can to reduce the sense that it’s a blur.  Knowing that it’s likely going to be the one Christmas Philip and I share in a three-year span makes me want to hold on for dear life, be as present as possible, and savor every last drop of hot chocolate (I also try really hard not to think about that reality too long or too hard because it just makes me want to emotionally crumble and melt into tears).  And, if there’s anything I’ve learned this year it is that what you have is what is immediately in front of you.  Make it count.  Prioitize people and relationships.  Make memories.  Experience the life you’ve been given today. 

Wishing you a December filled with powedered sugar, cocoa, Nat King Cole, the people who mean the world to you, and the Hope that the celebration is all about.  Don’t get so busy that you exhaust yourself.  Skip a party (or 3) – no one will remember you weren’t there by next December.  Don’t stress over presents (they will be faded memories in a few months).  Relax into the relationships and experiences that truly bring you joy and restore your hope.