20-29

I'm not sure anyone is even going to be reading this blog anymore (besides my mother. . . and it has been so long since I've posted I'm not sure she will be checking the page ;)  I went offline for professional purposes a few months back and the crazy train of lack of work-life balance DC culture hijacked us for the last couple of months (and when I say us I take ownership and say me) so that time/bandwidth for composing any kind of compelling narrative of our unglamorous life during the beginning of 2015 was limited.

However, on this the last night of life in what has been a pretty wild decade of my life, I decided it was high time for me to begin to mark time and keep telling our story.

The aforementioned work-life balance is about to make a big shift in a couple of weeks during which time I will make a concerted effort to give an update of highlights of the recent months.  A primary reason that it has been quiet is that most weekends have looked like this:

Licensure studying + thesis writing + Starbucks + Chipotle + lots and lots of caffiene

I have no complaints.  Every day life with this man on a regular basis is more than I could hope for or dream of.

True confessions of a lame, almost thirty year-old:  I often am ready for bed by 9:30 pm.  When we are out past 10:30 pm on weekends we are WIPED OUT and feel like we have earned a ticker tape parade for our crazy youthful wildness.

In 2015 I have finally reached a significant marker of adulthood:  for the first time in my life I am at a point of needing to drink coffee in the mornings on a regular basis.  I have had well-documented caffeine addictionsfor over a decade, but the move to coffee during my morning commute signaled to me how much I had officially arrived into this real life adult thing.  (leaving the house for work at 6:15 am necessitates this.  Anyone who knows how much I am NOT a morning person [and how much I need/love sleep --- it's like an Olympic sport for me] can recognize that my doing this on a regular basis is close to a water-into-wine kind of miracle. )

Tomorrow I turn thirty.  

20-29 has been an intense, challenging, adventurous, thrilling, pressure cooker of a chapter in life.  It was a decade filled with dreams come true.  It was a decade that maybe looked more glamorous on the surface that it was in actuality (in actuality it was filled with a lot of struggle, hard work, blood, sweat, and many many tears).  It was a decade colored by some pretty dark moments.   It was a decade filled with some of the most treasured memories of my life.

The person who made this decade what it was to me was Philip.  It was the decade that my childhood dreams of becoming his wife came true (at the ripe old age of 22 and a couple of weeks change. . . WE WERE BABIES!!!!!!!!).  The myriad ways in which this man has sacrificially loved me leave me speechless, breathless, and so deeply humbled.  He has held my hand during stretches in which I have felt as though I have traversed emotional quicksand.  He drove countless questionable vehicles in order to help bankroll my education.  He has led me.  Provided.  Served. Bled.  Fought. Encouraged.  My twenties were formative and unforgettable.  His presence made the days, weeks, months, and years of my life this last decade full and complete.  I entered my twenties as a young woman very much in love with him.  I leave it his wife.  A woman whose life and soul is inextricably interwoven for his forever.

I entered my 20s a curious, motivated young woman full of fight, dreams, drive, and aspirations.  I exit still filled with fire but feeling confident and more fully secure and content in who I am, what I have learned, and what I can give. 

A great deal has come into focus for me.  The journey has been, at times, uncomfortable and deeply humbling as I've learned to look within and between (even when looking away and keeping things fuzzy may be an easier path).  A great deal has been invested in me in the last ten years by family and mentors.  This outpouring has left me humbled and filled with gratitude.  It is my prayer that the the next decade will be marked by transformative investing in others. 

10-19 were years of my life that were filled with joy but not without intense tumult.  As I look back, 20-29 was not dissimilar in many respects.  Therefore, I enter this next chapter of love, life, relationships, faith, and family knowing that I will continue to know joy more fully, more complexly, and more completely, but that I will not be shielded from pain, grief, and what at times feel like overwhelming challenge that makes me feel as though I'm pressed on all sides and crumbling.   I am not naive.  I have a sense of painful possibilities that the next months and years could potentially hold.  But I will not live in fear.  If there is one thing I can look back on with certainty in my life it is Christ's sovereignty and faithfulness. To this I will continue to hold fast.  Because when it feels as though you're crumbing, there is little else to which you can safely cling and securely grasp. 

I also have learned how much I value life.  I could have a "The One Where They All Turn Thirty" Friends response to reaching what some may deem the edge of a preipice, but I have truly learned how grateful I am for life.  How fragile it is.  How precious even the most seemingly mundane moments spent co-creating the story that is my life with the people who matter most to me truly are.  And for that you will never hear me complain.  The fact that I get 30 and that I get to do it with the person who matters most to me in this world is something that I simply don't take for granted.

Philip and I know that after the events of 2014, everything in our life from here forward is "bonus rounds." It's a pretty powerful way to view the existence that awaits you. 

Tomorrow I'll be celebrating it with the simple, oh-so-marvelous things.  The freedom to worship without fear.  Driving in the Mustang with the windows down, sunshine pouring in, radio on, and wind running its fingers through my hair.  Looking over at Philip thinking for the 928348294th time "I can't believe I get to be that man's wife."  Eating chocolate froyo for lunch because I'm an adult, and I can.  Taking a nap.  It will be quiet.  Simple.  But time and space I struggle to even put my gratitude for into English language.  Precious and unforgettable.