under the light of a thousand stars

We were so incredibly excited to have reached July.  School schedules, work schedules, and military schedules had precluded us from taking a "real" vacation since 2009 when we spent time in the Med.  A lot of life had happened since 2009.  There had been a couple of vacations that had been planned in the space inbetween, but they ended up being canexed due to Philip's training schedules.  We were ready.

We stepped off the plane in Mexico and were ready.  Ready for a week full of just-for-fun reading, saltwater, falling asleep to the sound of the ocean, guacamole, tacos al pastor, the beach, the pool, sleeping, the spa.  We.were.ready.  And the first three days were three of the best, most restorative days of a vacation that we've ever had. 

And then this happened on Day 4.

The email from the Pentagon that started "Philip, Bad news. . . " Annnnndddd the vacation was over.  The time that followed was filled with sorting through tangled emotions after learning news that knocked the wind out of us.  Each subsequent day was spent trying to connect to in-and-out internet in the lobby sending emails across the globe in a frenzy as we raced against a clock in what has been one of the biggest uphill battles in our time in the military thus far.  We landed in D.C. with horrible headaches and pretty intense heartache.  The door that closed in that email literally marked a change in the trajectory of the next decade and a half of our lives.

In the weeks and months that following the bomb that when off in Philip's inbox that morning in July, we've had to work through the loss of a dream and wrestling with what the future of our time in the military will be.  But it's been bigger than career.   It's about being able and willing to recieve circumstances, losses, and afflictions knowing in a very deep place that while it may feel unfair, it may hurt, it may make no logical sense,  we remain tightly in the grasp of an all-knowing, all-powerful Heavenly Father who chooses to move and stay still in a way that fits in the Big Picture. When He stands still it does not mean that we are not cared for.  It means that we have a choice:  to react or to humbly and intentionally respond.  And discover a deeper place of trust.   It's been a reoccurring theme for us this year on multiple fronts and a familiar refrain throughout our marriage.

While the time in Mexico was intruded upon by our life at home, there were countless moments in which I found myself taking snapshots in my mind as I had this conscious awareness that I was in the middle of a moment and memory with Philip at my side that I wanted to have and hold for the rest of my life.  One of these many sweet experiences was dancing outside under the stars to the song "Thinking Out Loud."

Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are

I'm glad that on this wild, beautiful adventure during which Philip and I have shared moments in both intense joy and sorrow in which I could hear his beating heart, as we think out loud, knowing in those moments that there is unquestionable, unwavering love regardless of what surrounds us.