Stopping myself midsentence. . . to remember the olives

Tonight as I was washing dishes after dinner I caught myself midsentence doing something I've notice and am trying to consciously be aware of. I was starting to say, "Something I'm really looking forward to about living in the US again someday is ______" Tonight the blank was "being able to buy lean ground beef" (the stuff in the comissary tastes okay in other peoples' dishes but I can't quite bring myself to buy and make it because it doesn't look like the most artery-friendly choice). This blank can be filled with a myriad of things when you live in a foreign country ranging from a favorite kind of candybar I'm craving (Caramello) to a certain type of toothpaste or something as silly and simple as sponge refills for my dish scrubbing wand (and I'm in the UK for goodness sakes - I'm not in Africa or Central America, so I know these musings are pretty pathetic - I have cold pasteurized skim milk, that's really all I need).

I was able to catch myself tonight and not verbalize my thought. I'm really trying to do that lately. You see, I've been thinking - what kind of a message does it send to my husband who's job he works so hard at has brought us here if I am constantly ruminating on what I miss and complaining about little things. That's not supportive or respectful, and support and respect are two things at the top of my priority list when it comes to relating to my spouse.

Don't get me wrong. I love it here. I feel so blessed to be in Europe. I absolutely LOVE living overseas (and hope that after all of my graduate schooling is done that Philip & I can come back for a tour in Germany). However, in life we so often fall into the "the grass is greener on the other side" trap. I really am making it a goal to not wish away my life and the blessings right in front of me. There are moments where I catch myself dreaming of when Philip will have the salary of a Captain or Major, and then I stop and remind myself that with that paycheck I will no longer have some of the have the freedoms I am afforded as a young Lieutenant's wife who is in her early twenties, newly married without children.

I think forward thinking is something ingrained into my day-to-day mentality that is held in place largely by my personality and my culture. I am a planner. I am always looking, thinking and working ahead. I am goal-oriented. I think that one of the reasons the Lord purposed for me to be a military wife is to really force me to focus on what He has for me now because I have zero control over the future and I only get the future laid out for me one assignment at a time (and even then, an assignment can change last minute - you can be packed to move to West Virginia and they can cut new orders the week the house is being packed up that send you to California). It is a futile waste of my energy to wish I was somewhere else. My job is to enjoy where I am at now. It will soon be changing.

There are unique blessings about each stage of life and place that I am living that I have to embrace, enjoy and be grateful for while I can. If I'm constantly thinking about what I don't have, I'm going to miss out on what I do. I may not have lean ground beef, but I do have some amaaaazing olives from Italy. I can feel sorry for myself about the stupid ground beef that I don't like that much anyway, or I can enjoy what I have today before I'm back to limited plain old black or green canned olives.

Even when Philip is gone I find myself doing this to a certain extent: well at least I don't have to wrestle and fight for the covers all night, it's a lot easier to keep the house clean, there are significantly fewer dishes, laundry is easier, dinner becomes a very simple task - fixing a bowl of cereal or a smoothie. . . etc. Sure, I'd MUCH MUCH MUCH rather have my husband home but I can sit and feel bad about being alone OR I can try my hardest to enjoy the freedoms I have when I have the house to myself. The only thing I can change about a situation is my attitude and perspective.

I think one of the things that struck and surprised me the most when I first got here was how many spouses are miserable. I was floored. They are bitter and unhappy. We're in Europe, not Alaska. However, it really helped me see that there is good and there is not-so-great in every place, situation and position we can find our self in in life. It's easiest and natural for many people to focus on the not-so-great. It's a choice to really focus on the blessings. Now, I expect that this will be a lifelong test for me - especially when we get the less-than-desirable assignments (and there are many places we could be stationed that reeeally do not excite me). All of this is pretty easy to say while living in England. However, in the last months I've learned discontentment is bred in even the loveliest of places.

The importance of living for today certainly does not negate the importance of wise stewardship and planning, however it can make you stop midsentence when you're about to say something that really isn't necessary. . . just stop and remember the olives.