Breathing.

What a glorious day it has been. I am SO glad that we opted to have me join Philip and the conference. I simply cannot get over how fabulous the facilities are in this place! I'm feeling so blessed to have a bit of a respite. Today between Philip's sessions we ventured out on a hike to a local village. It was so fun seeing the huge Bavarian houses that have such magnificent views of the Austrian Alps! I noticed a lot of chopped wood which of course reminded me of my mom, dad and brother. (I grew up in a house with an amazing wood stove - however with the warmth came a lot of work. And most of you know how keen I am on manual labor. . . If you are under any illusion that I work too hard, just ask my mother about trying to get me to do work outside. . .)

Very fun cultural experience last night: we went to the local grocery store to pick up some munchies for our evening meal last night. I got really excited when I saw that the multi-level store had an escalator for people AND carts! How great is that?!?!?! I did strike out on some of the food though. We got a havarati cheese that Philip reported tasted like fart. Excellent. I also got some olives (really, how can you go wrong on olives) that tasted weird. After our friends looked at the label she said that there was wine in the brine. Yep, that'll do it. The label said "mass grosen" meaning "very large" but I just think they were just plain mass grosen!!!!

A very exciting accomplishment of the day was submitting my doctorate application for the Psy. D. program at George Washington University. This program is my military-conducive dream right now (If I had my choice I'd go to Rosemead School of Psyc in CA but that's not in the cards as there is no military base that Philip could be stationed at in the area). I'm applying at GWU and at a program where I would have campus options in AZ, FL and CA if we could be stationed there. It's so difficult not knowing where we are going and knowing that we are POWERLESS to control where we are going. . . God knows. And that needs to be enough for Joy Lere.

This is going to be an exciting year as we find out where we are going and what we are doing next, however with a recent reminder of the difficulty of hearing God's answer when it's not what you so desperately were hoping for I am bracing myself for having to work through major disappointment. After a very difficult career-related disappointment in the recent weeks, Philip shared something with me as I was in a tear-ridden state that really struck me: "I guess He thought I'd learn more from a no than from a yes." I'm actually reading a book right now in which a character is grappling with the possibility of a "no" being God's way of saying, "not now". All of these things scare me, but I rest in the fact that my Sovereign heavenly Father will orchestrate where our next assignment is (which will determine if I can continue my education which I desperately am hoping to be able to do).

Faith is hard. Especially when I'm faced with really looking inward and honestly asking myself, At the end of the day do I really want what God has (and I know in my heart is the best for me) or do I just want what I want and hope that He will bless it? It's tremendous when dreams and reality align. It is a tremendous TEST when they do not, and I have to sit with knowing that I may never understand why. As Philip so lovingly reminds me. . . it's not why, it's Who.

*I'm having problems uploading more pictures - I'll try to have more up asap*