Joining the circus? Don't doubt it.

When I was little, I thought it would be a great idea for my dad and I to join the circus.  Not to run away from my mom.  Or to get away from my pesky little brother.  No, I was certain that my dad and I definitely had some circus-worthy skills.  You see when I was little (much much much more little and probably about 80 pounds lighter), my dad used to do this thing where he would lay down on his back in the living room.  He would put his feet in the air.  I would manuver from leaning stomach-first onto his feet to actually standing on top of his feet.  I thought we had quite a show.  Thus, I really thought I had a promising future as a performer in the circus.

Today's sermon in church brought back this memory of a time in my life where, in the presence of my strong, brave dad, I was pretty fearless.   I don't know that I've ever doubted my earthly father (okay, maybe when he banned me from TPing during homecoming), but there are definitely times I've doubted my heavently father. . .  (come to think of it I had a pretty terrifying, insomnia-inducing bout of some serious academic anxiety resulting from some doubt in God's soverignty this last week)

Today was the conclusion of a sermon series on DOUBT.  It's been really good.  I think that a lot of people who are wrestling with figuring out their faith feel like there is no room for doubt in the church.  It's like a dirty word.  We don't like to talk about it.  But we all do it. The pastor did a great job of normalizing the fact that there will always be doubt and that the reality is that it is the soil from which strong faith grows.  If we weren't unsure to start with, faith wouldn't require much of us. . .

We started out by lookin at Mattherw 14:22-36 (go check it out - Jesus feeds the masses, Jesus walks on water. . . Peter makes an attempt as well) 

Today as we sat in the sanctuary, the art of trapeze flyers and catchers was explained to us (which of course made me think of my own childhood aspirations to be a trapeze artist). On a trapeze, in order for things to work, the flyer can't move or adjust in the air when they have doubt. They have to let go, hold their hands up and wait for the catcher to grab them.  Is that's just like our spiritual lives can look/feel like?  We let go.  Reach out.  And wait. . . and in the waiting is when most of our doubts come:  Is there really a God?  Is the resurrection true?  Why do bad, horrific things happen?  Is God really Soverign?  If there is a God, does he really care specifically about me?  How do I know He's there when He seems so very far away?

The pastor talked about the fact that we all have faith in SOMETHING in order to function.  In a pluralistic society, we've got a mlutitude of options.  In the end, only you can choose who or what you will follow.  I've chosen to follow Christ.  I cannot PROVE to anyone that my decision is "right" but I know two things:

1) From the very beginning of Christ's existence, He transformed the lives of those who placed their faith in him.  Their beliefs didn't just change.  The manner in which they lived their life and loved people changed.  The change happened to the satisfied, the forgotten, the despised, the wealthy, the promiscous, the educated, the religious, the broken.  The stories are not always dramatic, but they are always profound.

And I'm not talking transformed into a crazy, over the top, Bible beating televangelist type crazy (trust me, that stereotypical image makes my stomach churn as much [if not more] as it does yours).  I'm talking about what I know:  the power to take someone who left to her own devices would be self-centered and pursue her own interests at all costs into someone who loves and cares about people in a profoundly different way.  I've commented to Philip more than once when I saw my selfishness flare up, "wow, I'd be a real b**** without Jesus". 

2)  Lives of people who place their hope in Christ from the New Testament through the time of writing (31 October 2010 9:42 pm) have an ability to face what life throws at them with incredible HOPE and PURPOSE.  Sometimes life throws some pretty crappy stuff at us.  Part of a the sermon last week was a story about a couple the pastor met at the wedding who lost a child.  They were grappling with a lot of doubt and questions, yet they faced devasation with hope and purpose.  Somehow, no matter how deep the grief, rage, frustration or confusion that some people face --- they can still keep going in a way that makes no sense.  I want that. 

Doubt is okay.  It will always be there.  However, we each have to choose what we're going to do with the doubt.  We just have to make a choice:  are we going to doubt our doubts more than we doubt The Catcher?  Or are we going to doubt any supernatural ability to be caught and cling to our doubts? 

There are all kinds of options.  Christ is where I choose to drive my stake.  This is what I'm going to believe.  I can't prove the reality of God, the cross, or the resurrection to you.  But I can say that I see transformation and the hope and purpose of people who also choose to give their lives to Christ in some of the most trying of circumstances - that's where I choose to place my faith. 

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,  for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;  therefore I will wait for him."  Lamentations 3:22-24