she's got the look. . .

no, I'm not ready for any kind of cosmetics commercial, but I thought I'd showcase the lovely accessories of a child therapist.  don't you wish you could have a scarflace (not sure quite what the creations was meant to be)?  you too may start to add splotches of Elmer's glue to your scarf this season to complete your look.  if you really are committed to the image - paint your forearms with watercolors (or if you really want to prove you care, commit to the tempra paint. . .)

It's an amazing that next week is already Thanksgiving. What am I thankful for?  THAT IT IS NOVEMBER.  Which means it's soon December which means the academic year is half way over!  Whooo!!! This has been one rollercoaster ride.  Most days the last 5 months I have felt as though I've been catapulting straight toward the ground.  Scary, horrible, anxiety-provoking but exciting trusting that eventually this ride must have a curve or turn that will readjust my trajectory to upwards (or just a more settled straight ahead).  That's what faith is.  But man oh man do the seemingly unending face-first million miles per minute straight downwards and upside down parts of this ride feel jarring.

My classmates emailed our cohort something today that she re-read from a class we had last fall.  It resonated very deeply (we all love this author - she's a very highly-regarded psychodynamic clinician who has an INCREDIBLE gift for writing in a super accessible way (not a small feat when talking about psychoanalytic theory).  This was my classmate's email:

Hi... this was just too good to not send out... I’ve noticed the morale seems to be slightly low around the clinic so i figured that I’m not the only one feeling a bit overwhelmed and well.. cranky. I’m looking through McWilliams Psychoanalytic Diagnosis (book from Dr. Marmaroshes) class- and found a footnote that seems pretty relevant- 

“not only do depressively organized people get attracted to careers in psychotherapy, but, in addition, most training introduces a period of “normal” depression. In the program where I teach, for example, I have noticed that whatever their individual personalities, students tend to go through a depressive period some time around their second year. Graduate training in general is a breeding ground for dysthymic reactions, since one has the worst of both parent and child roles (one is expected to be an adult, responsible, autonomous and original, yet one gets no power; one is dependent on one’s “elders” in the field, yet one has no accompanying promise of protection and comfort). Training in therapy additionally confronts people with the fact that learning an art is very different from mastering a content area. Students who come to our program as stars of their undergraduate departments find the transition to self exposure and critical feedback on their work to be emotionally jarring”

I love you Nancy McWilliams. 

So true.  I think the second year thing is compounded for us because GW has one of the last doctoral psyc programs that mashes 4-5 years of academic work into 3, so we are literally existing (or sure making an attempt to) in a pressure cooker.  I'm thankful that clinically this program isn't my first time at the therapy rodeo.  I came into this with an appreciation and understanding of what doing the work is really like, but seriously this year has been crazy.

So glad next week is Thanksgiving.  Not as glad that I am going to have to devote most of my "break" to  clinical commitments and working on a hideous final paper (especially stressed about the latter. . .) but thankful that Philip and I actually decided to see my family in January rather than a lightning round trip to MN for a few days over Thanksgiving because I know I couldn't have been fully present and certainly wouldn't have been able to relax.

Here's to one more month in the pressure cooker.  And then, we will soon have climbed to the half way point in the journey up the mountain of this stressful year.  (and I say we because God is having to carry me - I feel like I'm a 3 year old trying to hike up Pike's Peak and am screaming and crying because it's literally feeling next-to-impossible to do --- sometimes I feel like managing the chaos on our shoulders right now is about as realistic as asking a toddler to make that same hike  AND I say we because I have the. most. supportive. husband.  EVER.  wow, WHAT A TROOPER! I seriously have been craaaaaazy woman)