coping

a) I feel very fortunate to have people that I KNOW that I can go to when I feel alone and overwhelmed.  The thing about being a military spouse/family is that so many people - very sincerely - say "anything I can do just let me know" but the truth is asking for help SUUUUCKS and there are few people who you actually feel comfortable going to asking for things like rides to airports, help moving boxes and all of those other unglamorous, opposite-of-enjoyable tasks that are a part of every day life -  usually by the time you need to ask for help you're a wee bit of an emotional wreck anyway because there have been other stressors that have made you realize you can'd do it on your own.  I've had some amazing supports in the last two months but have to give a HUGE shoutout to our pastor and his wife - they helped me drag my crap up to Princeton, they let me stay at their house, they helped me move more stuff out of our condo even when I thought I was done with it and then got a wee bit stressed having to do another last-minute, unexpected logistical manuever right before I left DC.  Seriously - these two have graciously and compassionately served in the way that I believe in my heart of hearts Christ calls His Church to be His hands and feet to people who are hurting and in need.  They embodied the sentiment behind every yellow "support the troops" ribbon that I've ever seen. They promised Philip to take care of me while he was away and have most certaintly kept that promise. It's really reeeeally humbling to be on the receiving end of such generosity, but I'm so so so grateful.  It's hard having your husband and your parents far away -- even when you're 28 and fiercely independent and have lived in another country by yourself there are still moments of feeling really scared and overwhelmed and just wanting someone to take care of you and make sure the car is fixed, etc. etc. etc. In these moments where my cortisol levels are elevated and I have tears running down my face, I feel so blessed to have people who I know have my back, not matter how much of an inconvenience it is.

b) so I'm at a point in my life where I've learned what I need to do to cope and, well, I just do it.  So the MORNING after Philip left, I went into DC to sign new hire paperwork for a serving gig that would provide me with much-needed structure and fiscal productivity while I wrapped up my summer semester and bridged the gap until I left DC to be with family.

I love serving.  I did it in high school.  When I'd come home over holidays during college, I'd go back.  It's fun for me.  So I decided, what the heck - I'll get a job I'm over qualified for because I could use something a little bit mindless.  It was interesting going back to serving not because I needed to but because I wanted to and just holding the position being at a very different place personally and professional than many of my comrades but it was really a lot of fun (a lot of work but definitely enojoyable) I had to laugh - my first serving job was at a restaurant called "Famer's Daughter" --- this summer I worked at "Founding Farmers" (a CRAZY popular restaurant in DC which happened to be 2 blocks from my program's building on campus).  Most weeks I worked about 40 hours as I was wrapping up school.  Some weeks I may have worked more like 60-70 hours (much to my mother's chagrin. . . hey the apple doesn't fall far from the tree - what can I say. . .).  Due to the restaurant's popularity it was literally PACKED from the moment we opened our doors at 9 am until after midnight just about every day of the week (seriously, the dining room was still full with reservations for dinner at 10:30 just about every night of the week - WHO GOES OUT FOR A NICE DINNER AT 10:30pm ???) It made the time FLY.  It helped to distract me and helped me to not have to dwell on a lot of the emotional tumult I was feeling as I was dealing with a lot of highly-emotional transitions (out of our condo, ending school, adjusting to Philip being so far away, etc.).  I felt okay exhausting myself because I knew then I could feel like I had "earned" and could enjoy an extended break with family the second half of the summer.

Some people get massages and manicures.  I got a new job.  It was the best thing I could have done.  It was me knowing what I needed and putting it in place.

When I was hired I vowed to demonstrate a work ethic like they had never seen.  I think literally wearing holes in a pair of brand new shoes is pretty good evidence that I made good on my word. . .