Schopenhauer's Porcupines

A troupe of porcupines is milling about on a cold winter's day.  To keep from freezing, they move closer together.  When close enough to huddle, however, they start to poke each other with their quills.  In order to stop the pain, they spread out, but again begin to shiver.  This sends them back to each other, and the cycle repeats, as they struggle for a comfortable place between entanglement and freezing.

Intimacy and its dilemmas.

Tell me about it!

Last week when I arrived in Minnesota, I was greeted by a big stack of somewhat intimidating books sitting on the hope chest that resides in my bedroom from childhood.  "Welcome, GWU Psy.D. Class of 2014.  This is your summer reading."  So far, so good.  Definitely some heavy, challenging reading that is leaving me so so so grateful that I get to do this in residence so that I can hear some of these nebulous concepts explained to me aloud (I'm very much an auditory learner). . .  

One of the books I'm reading is called Schopenhauer's Porcupines.  It's a very exploration of intimacy and its dilemmas.  When I say intimacy, I'm not talking sex.  I'm talking about caring about people.  Investing yourself.  Loving.  It's a messy business.

I know.  I've recently had a painful lesson in "intimacy and its dilemmas"..  Caring about people is messy.  Loving people is risky.  You will get hurt.  You will be disappointed.  Yet, I maintain that the joys of taking risks in relationships will always outweigh the "pokes" you get from the quills of people who you love.  Thus, I will keep loving and giving and caring.  But the truth is, the quill jabs (even if consciously unintentional) hurt.  A lot.

Finding the read super interesting and the theme relevant. . .

Recent goings on:

FRIDAY:  blissful day of 5.5 hours clocked with two best friends from high school.  Very much enjoyed the time I spent with Quincy, his wife Miranda, his sister Crystal and her sweet baby Ulrich in the morning.  I then proceeded to spend the afternoon on a traditional Subway date with high school bestie, Tabitha.  We always end up laughing until we have soda about to spurt out of our noses.  Cousin Heather's wedding rehearsal.  Had lots of fun taking pictures for her.

SATURDAY:  Heather's wedding day.  It was beautiful.  I had an absolute blast at the dance connecting with my cousins Matt, Kayla and Eric.

be of love(a little)

More careful

       Than of everything

              -E.E. Cummings

SUNDAY:  rebound-from-wedding day. Community church service in park in Grove City.   Karlsgodts over for a great visit in afternoon/evening.

MONDAY:  went to my uncle Leroy's (mom's youngest brother) to meet up with my aunt Patsy (mom's sister).  Mom & I cleaned on Leroy's bachelor house for a couple of hours and then we collected my grandma Bernice's china.  I've coveted this set since I laid eyes on it about 5 years ago.  It's a black and white design that is EXACTLY what I would choose for myself in a store today.  I love that it's a connection with grandparents and family that I haven't had tons of ties to.    I marveled to myself about the history it had when my uncle Leroy commented "oh the dishes we used when the Sisters would come over."  My mom came from a VERY catholic family.  Several of my grandpa's sisters were nuns.  Very cool.

TUESDAY:  Went to the Twin Cities last night and met up with a roommate from my last year at NWC - we lived at the "Greenfield House" together (the house in Mounds View with 7 girls. . . ahhhhh - what a nightmare).  It was so good to connect with Amber as we hadn't been able to converge paths when I was in the US in December.  I then stopped my friend (from high school) Sarah's house and met her new, *very lucky* husband.  We traded tales  about school, work and family.  We hadn't gotten to connect in forever, so it was a real treat to have some time together.

I had to laugh as I had a Minnesota accent conversation w/ Quincy & Crystal on Friday.  They maintained that Minnesotans talk like "they do on TV" and that I sounded the same.  I laughed and told them that I can now hear an accent when I come back even though I too often maintained that we talk "like they do on TV".  Well, the verdict was in when Sarah (the Speech & Communication professor) said, "wow, you talk REALLY differently"  I just had to laugh.

WEDNESDAY:  Transplanted strawberries w/ mom and dad in the garden this morning.  Mom commented when we finished:  wow, that would have taken all day by myself.  I joked, "yeah, I bet you're sure relieved I came home so that you could get some work done."  She chided (very tongue-in-cheek), "yeah, we've prettymuch been waiting around for three years to get anything done around here."  *as referenced in the previous post, i'm known for my disinterest in any kind of manual labor - a bit problematic when growing up on a farm.  i'm definitely the sloth of the family, so we like to joke about when i "actually" do some work --- i of course am usually quite dramatic about it.  i almost asked mom to take a picture when i was picking up sticks on the lawn on sunday to prove that I had done something. *

Also today:   haircut, homework and long, painstaking job search.  Ugh.  Still trusting that even though it's the 11th hour that the Lord will provide something that will be a good fit and help us live with a bit more margin as we attack the scary tuition bill sans any loans/borrowed $.  I just keep reminding myself that if He orchestrated the job at NHC, there's something somewhere in DC.

VERY EXCITED for time w/ Pankratz family tomorrow and Friday morning and dad's birthday bonfire on Friday night.