mini freak out & nhs humor

I did it.  My ticket is booked.  I will bid farewell to England at noon on 8 August 2010.  Wow.  It's becoming real.

The bummer is that there is no way to get orders until Philip gets back because of a list of (no joke) probably a hundred things he has to do beforehand.  I won't lie.  Feeling a bit freaked out.  I've tried not to worry about assignment changing and have done a fair job at resting and trusting thus far, but I was NOT helped tonight when I explained the sitaution and someone commented, "yeah, good luck with that.  we've had orders changed after our stuff was shipped."  I know that this is a military reality.  I know that there are people who have orders changed the DAY THEY GO TO THE AIRPORT.  I'm going to try not to live in complete fear of this for the next three months, but I CANNOT wait for the day that Philip steps foot in DC to start work in November.  So, if you have any prayers left for our situation - prayers for continued peace and no scary horrible surprises after I've started school and we've put too much $ down to walk away and our hearts on the line. . .  so that's the mini freak out.

Now for NHS humor.  This is not a dig (though I did say honestly [and very respectfully] to a coworker who asked me about the NHS the other day, "The US is in need of healthcare reform.  I don't deny that.  However after working here, the prospect of having something the equivilant to the NHS in the US absolutely horrifies me"), but I had to share what was hanging on our bulletin board at work the other day:

Do you ever worry about the NHS at all?  You should - these are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow.  (I would especially like to meet the man detailed at number 21)

1.  The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2.  Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3.  Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4.  She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5.  Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side over a year.
6.  On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it dissapeared.
7.  The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.
8.  The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9.  Discharge status:  alive, but without my permission
10.  Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11.  Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12.  She is numb from her toes down.
13.  While in A&E, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14.  The skin was moist and dry.
15.  Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17.  Rectal examination revealed normal size thyroid.
18.  She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19.  I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20.  Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
21.  Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22.  The lab test indicated abnormal love function.
23.  Skin:  somewhat pale, but present.
24.  The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25.  Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26.  Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27.  When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28.  The patient was in his usual state of good healthy until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. 
29.  Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30.  She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31.  Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should just sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32.  The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33.  By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

Stay away from hospitals, they're bad for your health.

Hey, I'm just sayin. . . .

For my red and blue friends alike - you've got to admit it's funny.  NHS aside ;)

(for the record, my issues with the NHS have nothing to do with transcription errors as I know these are just as easily present in the US OR the competency of UK doctors --- my issues are with crappy facilities, unacceptable wait times,  rationing of care, people being denied care and people dying waiting for care)