on this the nineteenth day of December. . .

Twenty-two years ago today on a bitterly cold Minnesota winter day Joshua Paul Pearson entered this world. I was four.  I don't remember much but a few things are quite clear:
* I remember dad had picked me up from grandma's and we stopped at our house because the water was frozen (a real problem when you have farm of animals to take care of) - I remember being in the basement questioning my dad about it
* I remember my dad talking about going to Pamida and picking out the outfit to bring my brother home in (it was gray and light blue)
* I remember crying when everyone kept making a big deal out of his stupid huge special stocking that the hospital axillary had set him home in (even though we never did "santa" at our house people would come over and joke about how his stocking would get more presents than mine and I didn't handle that well --- eventually my dad learned that he could calm me down by reasoning that Josh's big stocking had a flap over it so mine was actually easier to access)
* I remember being bummed that the baby couldn't do more.  So I would poke him until he cried.  Negative attention is better than no attention, right?  I sure thought so.  Not only would it get the baby to interact with me it really got a rise out of the adults around me as well!  My mom always warned "someday he will be big enough to fight back, you better watch out"  Thankfully, by the time he was big enough to not only fight back but CRUSH ME we were on bff terms.

I wasn't a real great sister the first part of my brother's existence.  By any stretch of the imagination.  I hope I've redeemed myself since then.  I am so so SO proud of this godly young man.  He is a rock in his faith.  He is a star in school.  Seriously amazing.

I wish I could give you a happy birthday hug in person, but I am glad you got to spend the day with your fiancee today preparing for what will be one of the very best days of your life this July. . . (they are with Sierra's fam in Idaho and were busy doing wedding stuff today and were going caroling with Sierra's old choir tonight).

Love him!

I finally feel (prettymuch kind of) on break.  It is wonderful.  I was technically done last Monday when I finished my last exam but I finally felt "done" today when I got my grade back.  The exam had been a disaster (almost had a panic attack midway through a 2 hour essay exam - not cool when it's 50% of a grade in a class I WORKED MY FRICKING BUTT OFF for this semester).  Needless to say I cried a LOT of tears last week because I was so disappointed that that had been the crash landing to what was definitely the most stressful semester of the 20 years I have spent in school.  However, by the COMPLETE grace of God today I got the grade back and, panic attack and all, I managed to come away from the whole ordeal with the grade I wanted.  I got two feet out of the building and called my mom shrieking tonight (a nice change for her considering how much she has had to listen to me sob on the phone the last 6 months) "It's a Christmas Miracle!!!!"  Now I can kind of check out.  I had been expecting to feel this end-of-semester euphoria when I finished the test last week.  That is NOT how I felt (it was more of a major depressive episode), but I will take it a week later :) I work tomorrow, am giving an eating disorder training on Wed am and am working and have patients on Thursday but then I am on vacation.  Bliss.