I've been doing a lot of processing the last 36 hours. All of the logistical plans that I had kind of thought about but didn't allow myself to fully engage in until things were "official" were full speed ahead. People asked me all day how it felt. Wonderful. Definitely surreal.
Last night it started to hit me what was happening though. I'm leaving England. In three weeks. I was reading a message from an undergrad professor who had done some work at Cambridge. She shared about her love/hate relationship with England. A lot of Americans have that. This summer one of our friends made the comment to me that outprocessing was a process that naturally made saying goodbye easier. The stress of packing the house, dealing with the bloody utility companies, etc. You're ready for that to be "done" and get to the next thing.
Except my ending won't be like that. There will be more of a lack of closure. My home will still be here. . . as my home, I just will never live life in it ever again. Philip and I are about to go through a lot of disjointed transitions in the coming months. Mind you, we welcome disjointed transitions knowing that we'll be together come December but still. . . I'm realistic enough to know that it will likely add strain to reintegration. I remember back in November when we were processing through the fact that GW would mean being apart an extra couple of months. With the emotional rollercoaster of the assignment/school process since then, the extra distance seems to be the lesser evil when compared with dissapointment of no school, but I still have pangs of guilt. Yes, we've worked out that Philip will just come to DC when he gets home to spend some time with me, but as I begin to process my leaving I think I'm really struggling to realize that we don't get to say goodbye to this place and this life together.
It hit me last night that this is where we became us. It was the first place we were with people who had never known us separately. We weren't Philip and Joy. We were the Lere family. We made our newlywed voyage into a new country and a new life a couple of short months after getting married. We left. We seperated. We differentiated. We became us.
I love England. Part of my heart will always be here. I'm ready for work to come to a close. There aren't words to describe how excited I am to be starting school. But saying goodbye is hard.
a look back. . .
Italy Summer 2008
Germany, Thanksgiving 2008
London December 2008
Cambridge Christmas 2008
Belgium Winter 2009
4 July, 2009
Med. Crusie, September 2009
Germany 2009
Deployment goodbye 2010
1 comment:
Oh, so many memories. The two of you packed a lot of "living" into your time in England, including the side trips. You have learned much as you lived and worked in the midst of a new culture.
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