this just in.

Um so, you know my last post with the exciting news about the possible alternative.  Not so much.  After further discussion w/ my Cambridge prof it sounds like going into the Ph.D. with an MA instead of a MSW would not be an option.  I'd have to do 2 years of MSW work before getting into Smith's Ph.D. program.  NO thanks.  GURR frustrating.

Still holding on to having let go though.  I had a glimmer of something that may tangibly be better if God closes the GW door and while that has now been taken away again, it is a test of trust on a new level to trust that there can be something better even if I don't know or can't see/understand what it is.  But I'll be real with you, saying "I can be happy with something not DC" is a lot easier when I know there's actually some alternative there.  Being back to DC for school or no school alternative is really really REALLY painstaking.

C'mon DC. . .

The sermon at chapel yesterday was on prayer.  I was thinking about how my struggle is praying for His will even if it is not my own (I guess what comes with that is prayer for a heart that desires whatever His will is --- I've been praying for that but my desires definitely haven't shifted).   I did think that a comment someone made was interesting:  "Prayer moves that hand that moves the Universe."  Interesting to think about.  Powerful.  Sure that could lead into some theological debate that I am really not in the mood to think about right now.  So I press on in prayer.  Prayer that if there is any way this cup of massive dissapointment about not going to school can be passed from me that it will be.  Prayer for peace and patience each day as I continue to wait and play both scenarios over and over in my head.  Prayer for a desire for whatever is right around the corner for me.  Prayer that my will will be algined with His will (if His will is way off from what I've been experiencing with such intensity for the last months and years - it's just plain painful!)