disappointment

Do you know what I hate? Reeeeeally hoping something specific will be in your mailbox, anticipating it all day, opening the door and it not being there. I'm anxiously awaiting season 8 of ER so that I can have something to occupy the time when I need to check-out at night and sadly media mail (which is already painstakinly slow) takes FFFOOORRREEEVVVEEERRR to get to APO addresses.

Pending disappointment: There was some really crazy fluke problem with my application to George Washington University. My master's transcript didn't register as being from the school I had listed on my application when it arrived in DC. I wrote down the specific school in the University of Maryland system that my MA is coming from on my GW application --- the transcript arrived in DC from the University of Maryland system rather than from the specific school (I figured if the specific school is on my unofficial transcript AND will be on my diploma, SURELY it will be on my official transcript?!?! I'm pretty sure it had to have been!) SO the hopeless automated admissions system left my entire package marked incomplete and was not sent to the review committee in December with the rest of the applicant pool.

I'm now waiting to hear if the psyc. dept. will still look at the application. I know in my heart that if they don't this really crazy thing was a very obvious God thing making what has been a very tear-filled, sleepless-night, PAINSTAKING decision clearer . . . but I can't help but be disappointed after going through so much work on the application package. I'd at least like to know if I got in! (but again, maybe the Lord knows it's easier if I don't have to give up a spot that I earned in the program. . . because I acknowledge that loss is harder and turning down acceptance creates the "what if" dilemma).

Somedays it feels that Philip and I have sure been on a roll lately with difficult, dissapointing answers from God regarding career/future. . . Yet, as much as it feels horrible, I rejoice in His soverignty. I know I can't trust what I "feel" (because, seriously, these feelings coming at you repeatedly are HORRIBLE and Philip and I are ready for a break from "not what you were hoping for" news). I just have to keep resting in the loving God I know that He is. So easy to say, SO DIFFICULT to live.

It could be that they'll still look at my application, but if they don't it's pretty obvious God is closing the door (EVERYTHING was submitted EARLY!!!!! how else could this (not being accepted because of an *incomplete* application) happen?!?!?!). This is where in my humanity I want to drag my feet, sulk a little bit and mutter "well, thanks. . . I think". Funny how we do that. . . we pray for an answer, we get one and then we try to exchange it when the answer comes but doesn't "fit" like we were shopping at freaking Target.

"Um, Lord, do you have a gift receipt for this. . . it's not quite what I had asked for or had in mind. . ."

In the land that is plentiful. . . in the desert place. . . You give. . . You take away. . .

Yet still I will say, Blessed Be His Name.