same song second verse

Well, after I blogged last night. I pulled myself together, went to the gym, came back home, emailed a couple of GWU faculty members to whom I explained my current peril, had dinner and channeled my frustration into cleaning. (my sweet mom of course called to check on me after reading the blog to make sure I hadn't had a complete meltdown)

Today was a new day, right? Well, yes. . . but little did I know, more academic stress loomed. I found out this evening that in the deployment-prep stress of December something got messed up with some paperwork of mine in the education office. It essentially resulted in my having to pay an extra $300 for my classes this term. UGH!!! I know, it's only money but it was just kind of the last straw to break the camel's back. And $300 is enough to be maddening (and it was a situation that I spent several hours stressing over in December too. . . it was not like something was overlooked. . . ). I had the same feeling of wanting to simeltaneously run away, punch something, scream and cry all at the same time like I did last night. So I cried. I sat at my desk in the empty office, and I cried.

And then I got up, dusted myself off and went to Cambridge for class. It was a good distraction.

I then got home and was greeted by a message from the Psy D department @ University of Denver saying "well, you're way passed our deadline, I guess you could send your application but we're not sure how much good it would do." WHY I wasn't paying more attention to the DU program before, I don't know. . . now I'm really kicking myself for not having applied back when I was doing the GWU stuff. Denver is on our "wish" list. Mind you, I was informed two days ago that Philip is not excited at the prospect of working in Denver so maybe it's better that I didnt' apply but still. . . now I have to decide if it's worth the time and stress and expense of scrambling to submit something or not (plus on the off chance I'd get an interview I'd need to go to denver which would mean $$$[again] which doesn't seem worth it if Denver isn't actually a real likely option for us to end up next) However, if we GOT Denver and I had to settle for a very mediocre option when there was a fantastic one that would make me feel a bit ill. . . or quite ill.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE MOVING TO. or I'd like to be able to get into school in Denver and have some say in where we are moving to. Of all the programs I've looked at, Denver would definitely be the best. . . . maddening this is, MADDENING.

Oh, AND I managed to slam my ipod in the car door tonight since I was running late to class after sitting in a long traffic jam. . .

I'm just clinging to what jumped out at me off of page 236 in my Bible last night:

The LORD said to Moses,"Is the LORD'S power limited? Now you shall see whether My word will come true for you or not." Numbers 12:23


I've thought a lot about God's words to Moses in the last 24 hours. His Word for me is more than I could ever dream of or hope for. It is a plan to prosper me, give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) It is NOT whatever I want, when I want it, how I want it. Yet what He has promised --- the delivery of a very specific, beautiful plan and purpose for my existence --- has been obvious and come true in my life in so many ways (and I've had to get over the fact that often at times this plan doesn't take on the form I had imagined. . . some situations where it hasn't been what I expected I still don't understand but have relented to the fact that agonizing over why is fruitless). Well, I'm holding Him to His words. . . the Jer. 29:11 promise is followed by an important charge in verses 12 & 13 --- to seek & pray. I'm ready to find Him and some much needed peace [I reeeeeally wouldn't mind breaking the streak of depressing news this week either! At this rate, by Friday it'll be confirmed that we'll be stationed somewhere in the deep south, far from academic (or much other) civilization]

At the rate life is going as of late, I'm needing some kind of major display of power - not like a fleece put out to prove anything to me. . . it's just that it seems it's going to require a lot of power to sort out the complexities of all of the dynamics and forces that are at play in our family's life decisions [or lack of position to make decisions] and future right now (trust me, the government is a pretty strong force to be reckoned with. . . it takes nothing short of the power of God to make things happen when you're dealing with a bureaucratic vacum).