insomnia

It's 3:01 am. I can't sleep.

My head is spinning thinking about our next assignment and grad school. I wouldn't trade being a military wife for ANYTHING in this world; I just wish that I could have a bit more say/advanced notice regarding where we were going. God knows, and that is enough. I know this cognitively, but emotionally as I'm feeling a bit stressed about being limited in my options. I know I need to be grateful for any opportunity I get. And I am. But still there's a part of me that wants to have my cake and eat it too. I want Philip to be in the AF having the job of his dreams (we're one for two there which is hugely frustrating in and of itself), and I want to be able to be going to a school of my dreams. I prioritize the first two things over the latter. No questions asked. No hesitations. No uncertainty. I just wish that all three could happen, but in the world we live in they can't. These days Philip getting the first two seems like a pipe dream, not to mention adding me into the equation.

And quite frankly, that really sucks.

I'm trusting that the same God who salvaged a far-from-ideal academic and professional situation for me in England has something exceedingly greater than I could hope for or dream of awaiting me in this next year.

Somedays faith is just really hard. This is one of those days.

This is the crucible in which the Lord has designed to refine, test and forge my faith, trust and strength.